Neuroinclusive conflict management is simply about making conflict resolution accessible, effective, and supportive for all participants 

By Arabella Tresilian: Health & Care Mediator, Coach and Trainer – and neurodivergent person

Neurodivergent individuals – including those who are autistic, ADHDers, dyslexic, or have sensory processing differences – may experience conflict resolution differently. 

Here are my five top tips for making conflict resolution more accessible and inclusive when neurodivergent people are involved – whether asAt the heart of each tip is a commitment to reducing anxiety, supporting communication, and honouring neurodivergent ways of processing, feeling, and relating.

I have also added a checklist of matters to consider before, during and after mediation or resolution meetings, and some further reading. 

Examples of neurodivergence

Neuroinclusive conflict resolution isn’t a specialist add-on – it’s just good conflict resolution. This also means that we don’t need to be told about anyone’s diagnosis to make these adjustments. When we make space for difference, everyone benefits.

  • ‘It is estimated that around 1 in 7 people (more than 15% of people in the UK) are neurodivergent, meaning that the brain functions, learns and processes information differently.’ Ref
  • A stated diagnosis is not necessary for us to offer flexibility. Many people are not diagnosed.
  • Ask all participants: “Is there anything that would make this process feel more comfortable for you?”

Structure is support

1. Structure is Support

A clear, predictable framework helps everyone feel safer and more prepared.

  • Create and share an agenda ahead of time, including timings and introductions.
  • Use structured prompts instead of opening position statements (e.g. “Three hopes” or “Three concerns”).
  • Offer clarity about what to expect and when to speak—this reduces anxiety and helps with timekeeping.
  • Consider including breaks and check-in points as part of the schedule.

Centralise the nervous system

2. Centralise the Nervous System

Emotional regulation, psychological safety and sensory comfort are foundational to good communication.

  • Consider sensory needs: light, sound, temperature, and physical space.
  • Build in time for movement and regular breaks; invite people to stretch or walk.
  • Notice signs of dysregulation – slow things down or pause if needed
  • Use gentle pacing, plain language, and calm tones to support nervous system balance.

Neuroinclusive conflict resolution - illustration - flex the format

3. Flex the Format

Neuroinclusive conflict resolution doesn’t have to fit the usual mould.

  • Break the process into smaller parts or sessions to reduce overwhelm.
  • Use extended shuttle meetings – if being in the same room is too intense.
  • Add pre-meetings or 1:1 prep sessions to build confidence and trust before joint meetings.
  • Tailor the pace and format to suit the participants, not just the timetable.

Neuroinclusive conflict resolution - illustration - Slow the flow of information

4. Clarify and Slow the Flow of Information

Information exchange may require time and space – so guide it gently and clearly.

  • Support participants in how to ask for, share, and process information.
  • Encourage brief, bite-sized communication and regular check-ins.
  • Use visual tools (e.g. notepads or whiteboards) for people to note urgent thoughts or key points.
  • Remember alexithymia and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) may be in the mix—listen with care and support people to process feelings and received information

Neuroinclusive conflict resolution - illustration - Honour the justice instinct

5. Honour the Justice Instinct – while Keeping a Future Focus

For some neurodivergent people, fairness and justice can outweigh outcomes.

  • Ask what ‘future-focussed solutions’ would help to address any stated sense of unfairness
  • Be curious about symbolic or systemic changes that may matter deeply.
  • Acknowledge the emotional weight of unresolved injustice or systemic failure.
  • Remember: sometimes “making it right” isn’t only about ‘next steps’ or ‘apology’.

 

Before, During and After ‘Joint Meetings’

A joint meeting brings disagreeing people together for a carefully facilitated conversation, to support them to agree future solutions where possible. How can we ensure neuroinclusive conflict management when bringing conflicting individuals together?

💬 Before the Joint Meeting

  • Share the purpose clearly: Include the format, who will attend, and the expected outcomes.
  • Send a short agenda and attendee list: Ideally with roles and photos if possible.
  • Offer alternative ways to contribute: Such as email summaries or written reflections beforehand.
  • Choose the right space: A quiet, calm room without strong smells, bright lights, or noise.

🧘‍♀️ During the Joint Meeting

  • Regulate your own emotions: Neurodivergent people often co-regulate with others and can sense stress even if unspoken.
  • Be direct, not blunt: Communicate clearly and kindly. Avoid euphemisms or ambiguity.
    • Try: “Would you be willing to…” instead of “It might be helpful if…”
  • Allow processing time: Pauses, note-taking, or time to step out can support clear thinking.
  • Check for understanding gently: Don’t assume nodding means agreement.

🗂 After the Joint Meeting

  • Write agreements using the S.M.A.R.T. method:
    • Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound
  • Clarify next steps in writing: Include who will do what, by when, and how.
  • Respect preferred communication styles: Some individuals may prefer email follow-ups over calls.

Thank you for reading. If you are interested in learning more about neuroinclusive conflict management, get in touch! 

Further reading: 

 

 

Text & illustrations: © Arabella Tresilian 

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